I’ll disclose right here that I am not a doctor, and there is a plethora of medical research out there to refer to. I’m bringing a perspective of how to enjoy yourself in the lifestyle with ED and not let it ruin your sex life.
Let’s face it, many in the lifestyle are not in their 30’s or 40’s anymore. Shit happens to us men and its embarrassing, especially in a lifestyle with so many beautiful women who want to fuck you and you can’t perform, or worse, you’re nervous whether ‘IT’ will perform.
I don’t want to minimize the physical aspects of ED, but the physiological can be crushing to a guy as well, and that blends over to their partner too, especially if you don’t discuss the problem with her.
First of all, face the problem head on (No pun intended). If you begin losing erections while having sex, see a doc. Sex is too important in a healthy relationship to not address it. The docs hear it all, so just tell them that “it’s not working as well as it used to, is there something I can try.” They want to help you, even if you have a woman doc, or PA, don’t be shy, they understand.
If you delay too long to confront this problem, you may psychologically have ED issues even while on meds. Why?, perhaps you’re concerned too much, it messes with your mind and that distracts you from the task, (or pussy) at hand.
ED at a Swinger’s Party
If you have ED issues at a swinger’s party, this can get complicated, but not Earth shattering. If you get a prescription, then enjoy the night. With that said, alcohol can still affect you. You will more than likely fulfill a woman’s expectations with meds.
Don’t drink alcohol, or at least minimize the consumption. This contributes to ED. Relax and flirt with whom you’re talking to. Enjoy them, enjoy the foreplay, watch yourselves like a porn show. This helps quite a bit. Let the evening flow and your blood will flow too. If you are too worried about it, the psychological can mess with your mind and cause you to go limp.
ED and Group Play
Be sure your meds work for you. Usually when a group gets together, it’s erotic. This can also be intimidating for some, especially if you’re thinking too hard on ensuring you get hard. I have also seen the one guy, who couldn’t get hard, be pitied among the women, almost as though they all want to try and help him out, and then it becomes a distraction. Some tips you may consider: If you’re confident you’ll be joining a group, have your partner get some 1-1 time with you to get it working, then join the others. If you end up thinking to much about it, you may get disappointed. Another approach is, as I stated above, get in there. Get hungry, kiss, perform oral, use toys, be engaging and fun. Most women will want this in a man more than whether they have a hard cock. Most women are more turned on by a confident man who pleases them well, than a basic hard cock, and if they want to get fucked in a group, there’s probably another guy who can do that, but you can enjoy
What do I do if “IT” doesn’t work?
Whether on meds, or not. If your cock can’t keep hard, NEVER NEVER NEVER say “This has never happened before.” What you’re telling your playmate is that she’s the cause of it. Also, never apologize, women hate a groveling man. Enjoy her, please her orally, use your fingers, if there’s a toy handy, use that, show her that getting her to climax means more to you than fucking her, be confident and take her however you can. This may also stimulate you and you can get back inside.
Sadly, the rumor mill in the lifestyle is worse than high school. You can be considered someone who does what it takes to satisfy your partner, or the guy who can’t get it up and grovels about it. It’s not fair, but after 16yrs in the lifestyle, we’ve seen it quite often.
What Else Helps?
We always encourage the use of condoms, but they do contribute to your cock going limp. Some ways to enhance your abilities are ED meds, but also porn videos. Some house parties, or clubs may have it playing in the rooms. Watch it also, it might stimulate your mind more. Another technique when wearing a condom is have your partner put it on with their mouth. It can be a little tricky, but exciting. Some of the enhancement creams may work. Discuss it with your urologist and do what you can. You and your partner/spouse will be happy you did.
This blog isn’t to frighten you, it’s to inform you that if you do have ED problems, it’s not the end of your sexual enjoyment, you simply need to address the problems and I’m here to tell you, it’s worth it.